Dying Roses
by Sydpanball22
Summary: Fear, Hurt, anger, lonliness, rage, contempt, hopelessness..... ANGST...
1. Someday, Somehow

TITLE: Someday, Somehow

DISCLAIMER: boat boy, eglee, not mine, bllah blah woof woof  
AUTHORS NOTE:I know this virus conflict wont be easily solved.. and i dont like complicated things... so im nnot solving! im dodgin!  
SUMMARY: The virus pulls Max and Logan apart...  


As I wake up I feel another presence in the room. Someone here, with me. A wave of shock passes through my body as I glimpse the hunched figure. It's in a chair hidden in the shadows, shoulders shaking, almost as if it's crying. My breath catches as I finally realize who it is, who she is. Max, my dark angel. She hears my gasp and looks up. The look on her face kills me. Her eyes are bright and tear filled; her cheeks are wet from the ones she's already shed. I watch as she takes a deep, shaky breath and my heart breaks at the hurt that's clearly written in her expression. 

"Max..." It's barely a whisper but I know she heard it. Her eyes bear into me, stripping me of my body and searching my soul. God, she's really just killing me. If only I could stand, walk to her, hold her in my arms, protect her from the world. If only...

"I'm sorry... But Cindy is with her new girl and Sketchy is with Natalie and Herbal is just not there and I just... I need to be somewhere that knows what I am, to be with someone that knows I'm a monster. I--I-- I shouldn't have come and woken you up. I'm sorry..." Her voice trails away, drowning in emotion. God, what I wouldn't give to make all her troubles go away. 

"I'm sorry..." This time her voice is softer and I see the tears overpowering her once more. 

We just sit there for a few moments, me on the bed, she in a chair in the corner. Her knees are pulled close to her body and her body wracks once more in silent sobs. My emotions threaten to overbear me but I quickly get them in check. She needs me right now to be strong. 

"Max." The firmness surprises me; she looks up with her tear stained face. "Come here," I gently pat the open space next to me, "Please?" I watch her debate the issue and compulsively bite her lip. "No touching, I promise. You lay on that side; I'll lie on this side. Kay?" I observe the battle behind her eyes. "I promise, Max. Please..." 

She cautiously takes a step towards the bed, her boots are loud against the hardwood floor. My heart leaps and I fight to keep the smile from showing on my face. I breathe deeply and gesture once more for her to join me. Slowly and hesitantly she walks next to the bed. I scoot over to the far edge of the bed and she lays down on the other. As her scent accosts me, my heart is filled with hundreds of emotions -- strongest among them, love. "There's more to it than having no one to hang out with, isn't it?" I'm lying on my side and her on hers, our faces are a mere foot apart, and my eyes battle with her deep chocolate browns. It takes every ounce of will power in me to not touch her face, wipe away her streaming tears, gather her up in my arms and hold her there till the world goes away. 

"I'm... Logan... I'm scared." Her words shock me more than anything else could. "I mean... I've never been so alone, felt so alone..." My heart aches at the hurt that's evident in her voice but I let her continue. She sighs deeply, "When we first escaped I felt so alone, so desolate, you know? But later it came to me that I still had them. They weren't there in front of me, but they were out there somewhere, loving me. It made me feel. . .as if I didn't need anyone else. And I didn't, but then we lost Ben. . ." She pauses and breathes deeply. She's blocking sobs but letting the tears stream down her face. "I had one less person to love, to love me. And then I lost Tinga... She was lying in my arms, and I couldn't do anything - anything - to help her. When I felt her heart stop beating something in me died.... 

"And... Then... Zack... Oh god, Zack..." This time her emotions are too much to control and she begins to weep. After a few minutes she regains her composure and continues. "And now... I've lost three siblings. For all I know that's all I that could have escaped. But now I'm losing you... That's the worst that could happen, Logan. When we were together you filled something within me that I didn't know was empty... and now I'm just empty all over, again... God, I feel so alone. I don't know how to be alone. Not anymore..." Why didn't I see it? She's been hurting all this time over everything and I've been so wrapped up in my crusade.

"Max..." I don't know what to say. What can I say? How the hell do you respond to something like that? "I'm still here for you max..." She bites her lip a little and I struggle to form what I'm feeling in my heart into words. "I love you. Do you hear me, Max? I love you, I always will. And no matter what I will always try to be here... And this... us... It'll get better. I promise." I don't know if I've helped at all but I hope I did. 

"There's something else..." I can tell what it is from the look in her eyes. Please let me be wrong. Please, God, wherever the hell you are. .. "I came to say goodbye. I'm leaving, Logan..." I feel my heart break as she confirms my guess. I stare at her, speechless. "I'll be back. I can't be here, Not now... maybe I'll go, find a cure, come back..." I nod solemnly and watch as she sits up. "I'll see you again, Logan. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the next day. Maybe in a week. ..a month, a million years. But I will, I promise you that. Don't mourn me, don't wait. . .just know. I'll come back someday." She walks to the door and turns to look at me. I memorize her face, taking one last, glorious look at her beauty.

"I love you, Max." No matter how strong I want to sound it comes out weak. Pleading. She looks at me, tears in her eyes and takes a hesitant step away from me.

"I love you, too." It's final, full of broken hearts, shattered promises, ruined worlds. I listen as she lets out a choking sob. "I love you too, Logan." She takes one more step, into the hall, and closes the door. 

I know she had to do it, and I'm glad I had the chance to say goodbye. And no matter how long it takes, I will wait for her. I will search every crowd for her face, every voice for hers; I will look out every window hoping to see her. I gave her my heart, and whether she knows it or not, she took it with her. 

Now, I sit here. All alone and waiting. I will see her again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I will, someday, somehow. 


	2. It makes me remember

Title: It makes me remember

Summary: This is a sequel to "someday, Somehow" you don't have to have read it.. so if you haven't, Max left to find the cure. Logan and Asha are fighting, an atypical Max-less night.

Disclaimer: Does the word Fox ring a bell?

A very special thanks to: Jane... You're an ever so super great Beta-er! Julie... You're support is oh so very very wonderful and thanks fer always reading my fics! and uhmm... Laura for agreeing with me that Logan is a big ASSHOLE in my story... and Ralph (Hurl) fer reading!!

Now... let's get this bitch started!

I don't remember the twinkle in Her eye. I don't remember Her beautiful skin. I don't remember Her full lips. I don't remember anything. Anything at all.... Except Her name... Max. Just hearing that one syllable makes my heart stop. It makes my eyes long to see Her. My hands ache to touch Her. It makes me remember. 

"Logan!" The feminine scream snaps me out of my daze and I roll gently into the living room. I know by the voice who it is... and who it isn't. I can't stop my heart from hoping it will be Her. I don't find the love of my life there, only a blonde girl. Completely inadequate, completely not Her. Asha glares at me as I finally stop before her.

"I was waiting for you." Her voice is full of unchecked disappointment and hatred but it doesn't matter. She can't hurt me. I've been numb ever since She left. When She dropped through my skylight my life began, when She left it stopped again. 

"Sorry..." She senses how non-committal I am, I can feel the anger radiating from her. Her rage is nothing compared to Max's. Max. Max...

I watch as Asha walks back and forth ranting. I watch as her mouth moves in fury but I only pretend to listen. One day she'll find out that I don't pay attention to her. And she'll leave me. I don't care. Asha was only to prove to everyone that I was over Max. That I would keep living. What a lie that was - I can never live without her. 

"Why do you always do this? She's gone, Logan! I can't believe I waited at the restaurant for two hours - for the third time this week - so you could sit here moping about Max!  
  
"'Oh, Max left me. I'm dead inside.' Get over yourself, Logan! She left you." My head snaps to look at her. My brows furrow and my eyes glare at her. 

"Shut up! I don't need this from you, Asha!" I fight to keep my temper, but it's hard. I'm filled with the urge to throw something, but know not to. 

"Logan, she's gone. I'm here now. She doesn't love you, but _I_ do." Her voice becomes softens but I can still hear an edge in her tone. I turn away from her and start moving towards my room. 

"I want to be alone ton--" I say through gritted teeth but am interrupted by her pulling my wheelchair. She turns it around to face her and I am instantly furious. 

"I'm not done with you yet, Logan!" My eyes shoot daggers but she ignores it. "You're always in this goddamned chair! Use your exoskeleton for once! I know you have it, and I know it still works! Why do you always have to sit in this goddamned chair?! Why be a cripple when you don't have to?" 

"Listen! I am fed up with this, Asha!" I have to bite the inside of my check to stop from saying something equally hurtful to her. Once again roll away and this time she doesn't stop me. I slam my door behind me and listen for her to close my front door. She finally decides to leave and bangs the door in response to mine. 

Ever since Max left life has, ultimately, gone down the drain. Ever since Asha and I got together it's grown worse. Before Asha, there were long, lonely nights crying. Now with her it's long, lonely nights screaming and crying. Arguments like this happen a lot. It's sort of routine. I do feel bad when I forget about her the way I do but she doesn't really care. Only Max cared... only Max didn't care. She didn't care about the chair, about the job, the baggage... She cared about me, about my well being... and my forgetfulness...

I've forgotten her witty comebacks. I've forgotten her snappy attitude. I've forgotten her glass heart. I've forgotten everything. Everything -- Except her name. Max. Just hearing that one word makes my breath catch in my throat. It makes my body tremble with longing for her touch. It makes my ears crave her voice. It makes me remember.

Author's note: I know that in "someday, Somehow" he said he would wait forever and a day for Max but hey... lets pretend it's real life... in real life... about... not too many guys would ACTUALLY wait... 'specially with Asha prancing around waggin her tail at him all the time.... so... no matter how sad it is... its waayyy more likely to happen, no? PLEASE R & R... I have a sequel to this prepared but will NOT post if I don't get a sufficient amount of reviews....


	3. Looking for a Name

Chapter 3: Looking For a Name

Disclaimer: DO i reallly have to do this? like really, really?

Authors note: well hey there! I didn't have this beta-ed so that's why it sucks every so very much.... Hell i didnt even send it to Julie fer fun yet! well SHEESH! h aha ... so.... read on and review.... please... oh pretty pretty please!

I never expected him to wait. I never expected him to put his life on hold. I never expected him to love me the way I loved him. But I never expected him to love her... To forget me... To be with her. No matter how hard I try the tears won't stop. They won't stop streaming from my eyes, down my face and torn away by the harsh wind. They just won't stop.

Over the days things have changed. I've changed, he's changed, the circumstances have changed. Before it changed I loved him... He loved me. But before, everything was tearing us apart, ripping us at the seams, and hitting where it hurt most. Before there was a murderous virus screaming through my body. But like I said, things have changed.

My baby rumbles beneath me as the Seattle skyline slowly gets larger. The road is empty and I press down on the gas pedal egging my bike to go a little faster. 

I'm not going home for him, not anymore. I'm going home for me. I'm going home to.... I'm going home because it's the only place that I have to go. But now, without him, it's not home. 

I promised him that one day we would meet again. I told him that I was sure our paths would cross once more but now I'm not so sure. I'm not so sure that I love him the way I did back then. Things are confusing now. It's like a whirlwind going off in my head. In my head and my heart, just ripping me apart. 

But I know avoiding him will be hard especially when every cell in my body is screaming for him, to touch him, hear him, feel him, smell him. So, to sate every raging thing inside me, to calm the storm in my heart, to sort out the feelings in my head I _will_ see him again.

As I climb higher and higher up the slippery, wet building a visual of him and Asha together keeps replaying in my head. That and how many possible outcomes there will be to this, tonight. 

I bite my lip as I prepare for the jump. For so long he's just been a memory, a thought, a feeling. He's been a Him, a His, a He... Now I'll finally see him, I'll find the name. Find Logan.


	4. The world never works

Chapter 4: The world never works

Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form own any of the following characters, idea, blah blah all that other good junk... right?

Author's Note: Uhmm... gees... i dont really have anything ta say... surprising... thanks to Julie AKA Teris Xenite one of the oh so very coolest writers of DA fan fic ever eve rver!!!! and to Jane my beta... even though she didn't beta this one... still... it's uhmm... seems fitting... oh! and someone told me that authors always make their betas sound mean and like they dont liek them and i was like what?!? how could you *not* love a beta?!?! sheesh.... anyways!

on with the show!!!!!!

Sometimes the world doesn't work out the way we want it too. I learned that a long time ago but now, just now, I finally wish It weren't true. I love Logan. He means more to me than anything ever has, completing my mission, getting free, staying free, and just making it out here. I would give up my freedom forever if it meant his safety. I don't understand why things just couldn't have made themselves work... Well, I do understand, it's cause nothing ever works out. Call me pessimistic but it doesn't. 

As I lay against Logan's sleeping figure I hope he doesn't wake up and I let free the tears, wetting his shirt. I finally arrived in Seattle and headed straight for Fogle Towers. I shouldn't have climbed up all fourteen flights of stairs and picked his lock. I shouldn't have flung my jacket over his couch as if I had always been there. I shouldn't have stared at his sleeping form for hours. I shouldn't be here right now... My arms curled around him, breathing in his scent, and crying against his chest. But I'll be gone in a couple of hours anyway...

I lie there with the same negative thoughts running through my head when I see the sun begin to rise. I hadn't realized how long I've been here and now it's time for me to go. The time seemed so short, no where close to long enough. 

As I walk away from Logan's room and through his dark hallways I keep on wishing that things had worked out right between us. That I didn't need to walk away.

But because I love him I'll let him go. In all the old movies they are always ready to let the other person go because they loved them *that* much. I never understood... Till now... Till I heard of how happy he was, till I thought of ruining whatever he has going. It's only right for me to walk away...isn't it?

I sigh loudly as I rev my motorcycle and pull away from Logan's dark tower. The wind assaults my cold, bare arms and I take one last look back. Logan, it's been a long and hard journey, it's over now, all over.

I find Cindy sitting on the couch in our apartment staring at the door, almost as if she knew I was coming. The second I close the door behind me she pulls me into a tight hug. This is what makes it home. Friends that know me inside and out, loving embraces, fun nights at Crash, and a constant shoulder to cry on.

Original Cindy finally loosens her grip on me and pushes me far enough to stare at me. I look tired, hurt, broken. She gives a little nod and says, "Let it all out, Boo. Let it all out." And with that she pulls me back into her arms. I sob loudly onto her shoulder, I thought I had cried myself out at Logan's but here I am, crying again. 

I tell her everything that happened, about my night with Logan, about my ride home, about everything that has transpired since my last call to her. As I finish she rubs my back and listens supportively.

"Boo, why didn't you wake him up? Ya know he woulda listened... Ya know you could've worked it out..." I contemplate her question and she waits patiently.

I sigh another long, loud sigh and the say the only thing I can think of to say, "Because Cindy, nothing ever works out, not the way we want them to...."

"You all thought the virus would never unravel. It did, didn't it? This is just something ya'll need to work out..." 

"I just don't want to see him anymore, I can't... It'd kill me..." Once more the tears welled up in her eyes and Cindy enveloped her in a hug once more. It was going to be a long night...

End Note: I have the next part all written and ready and all that other fun Jazz... unbeta-ed of course.... soo give me nice reviews and maybe ill post sooner than planned.... please oh please oh PLEASE!


	5. Always Just a Dream

dYing Roses: It's always just a dream

Disclaimer: All of it is mine! ha! i own! *everything*! i own the world goddamn it!!!!! o0o0 even the hott guy on the bus.... and just.... just... EVERYTHING.... wanna know why? cause "ive got the whole world in my hands, ive got the whole wide world in my hands!" lol.... riiiiight..... dont i wish?

I wake up to the darkness like I always do. It was early when I fell asleep, tired in my drunken stupor. I hadn't expected to sleep the whole night through, I never do. The black depth surrounding me doesn't scare me anymore, it doesn't bring back the memories of Her bringing me to tears. Now it's just lonely, lonely emptiness where ever I look. But this time it's different.

I feel a weight against my chest and a smell that's distinctly Her surrounds me. I open my eyes and the fuzziness of sleep and a hangover make me dismiss what I see. I see Her. 

I slam my eyes shut and enjoy this dream, if I open my eyes again she'll fade away. She always comes like this, fuzzy, hazy, a dream. I breath deeply and smell Her once more. If only it was Her. If only I could open my eyes and assault Her with my love. If only...

I breath through my nose, each time reminded of Her when finally, after what seems to be forever sleep drags me to her desolate chambers once more. 

***

I finally wake up to the sun shining through my window and smile at my dream. She came to me, She was just as She was before... Perfect... The smile quickly vanishes as the tears come. I miss her, I miss her *so* much. They say time can heal all wounds but not this one, not this wound. Nothing could heal this, not even Time and his suffering way to make minutes seem like days. It was only a dream, it's always just a dream...

I quickly think of Asha and our argument the week before. I hadn't talked to her since... I can't say I hated her for saying what she did, I deserved it. But she didn't deserve the way I treated her, my rebound girl. No matter how hard I tried i could never forget about Her.

My wheels roll smoothly along the hardwood floor of my room and I head towards my computer. As I pass my living room something there stops me dead in my tracks. A jacket, _her_ jacket...

It wasn't a dream, it wasn't because I had three Smirnoffs, two beers, and four glasses of wine before that. It wasn't because I was delusional, she was here She was really here...

After those thoughts processed in my brain I had no idea what to do. What could I do? I quickly decide and push my wheel chair as fast as I can to my exoskeleton. 

***

As I walk up the last flight of stairs the only thing that I can hear is the quiet whirr of the exoskeleton and a soft, muffled crying. It's clearly Max. She sounds tired, tired and hopeless. I wonder what she's been through, where she's been... and what she knows...

I knock softly on the door and wait for her to answer. I ready myself to see her at long last but instead an exhausted Original Cindy comes to the door. When she sees it's me her expression changes, almost as if she's going to cry. 

I look past her and inside the apartment where the crying is coming from and she follows my gaze. "Max?" It comes out as a whisper and a knot in my throat builds.

She nods her head silently and says firmly, "Max." I struggle to not cry from joy.

"Can I?" Once more it's breathy and almost inaudible. I nod my head in the direction of her and once again Cindy looks as if she's going to cry too.

"You can't." Her voice breaks everything inside me and the tears finally stream down my cheeks and through my stubble. 

"Does she know?" I ask referring to Asha.

"She knows." I get slightly annoyed of Cindy's answering, always just an affirmative of what I'm saying.

I struggle for what to say next but I hear someone say something in the background, it's Max. "Cindy, who is it?" My heart breaks to hear her voice and I fall in love all over again. This is unfair, so unfair. 

"Listen, Logan..." Cindy looks back towards Max and steps away from the door a little, I notice how she whispers my name, hoping Max can't hear her. 

"You've gotta go?" I know what her answer is but somewhere I'm still hoping that she'll invite me in.

"I've gotta go." And with that she closes the door and I'm left to stare at it, all alone in the decrepit hallway. 

I sit on the floor with my back next to her door and begin to think things over. Max is home, _home._ She's here, she knows about Asha, her heart is broken, but she's here. "Max." I whisper the name to the emptiness as tears run freely down my cheeks. It wasn't a dream.

Authors note: Ya know... I didn't really get that many reviews last time.... that's telling me I suck.... which I really don't doubt... I mean I bet like 5 people read this crap and they're like, "Dude! this person sucks!!!!! why the hell should _I_ review?!" so y'all don't.... Sigh.... oh well... but all you out there that do like it... review! please?


	6. The Minutes Passed Like Hours

Dying Roses: The Minutes Passed Like Hours

Thanks to: all u great, super duper reviewers... I LOVE you!! and to Julie, Kat, and Ria all my beta-ers fer these coupla parts :_D

PLEASE REVIEW!!!

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The minutes passed like hours as Logan sat in the cold, dimly lit hallway listening to Max and Original Cindy's whispers. He couldn't decipher the exact words, only who was talking. He watched a dirty rat crawl and poke around in some garbage; he was disgusted as it trampled over a used condom. This is what Max lives in he thought, filth. He wished he could take her away, hide her away in his big tower and never let anything dirty the light of her brilliant personality. She didn't deserve to live in the world she did; the world didn't deserve her. 

The minutes passed like hours when Max finally spoke above a murmur. Her voice raised and emotional, finally talking after her years of silence and loneliness on her motorcycle. " I can't hate her!" The sobs that had quieted long ago began again. Cindy's voice drowning in Max's sorrowful crying. It wasn't like her to be so emotional, to have her heart on her sleeve, just begging for help. Cindy's arms wrapped around her, shushing her with soothing words. 

"It's okay; it's going to be okay." She said, scared of how obviously hopeless Max felt.

"She's beautiful Cindy. She's everything he deserves! She's -- She's-- She's perfect..." Her voice grew hushed and Logan lost the end of the sentence to the wall dividing them. It was all his fault, he thought. All his fault.

The minutes passed like hours when Max decided she would leave, forever. She packed her few remaining items in the apartment and bid her friend a final goodbye, promising to call. 

The minutes passed like hours when Logan heard the shuffling coming from inside. It had been so long... He had never stopped missing her, never stopped hoping she would remember her promise of someday. 

The minutes passed like hours as Max tied the last of her bags onto the back of her motorcycle. She began to roll it out, toward the hallway when Cindy stopped her one last time. Her eyes were full of tears and she pulled Max into a large hug, and for once Max didn't resist. She squeezed tightly, knowing she would never see her dear friend anymore. This is it she thought; this is my last goodbye. She stepped away and opened her front door.

Logan stood up sharply as he saw the doorknob turn. His heart fluttered within his chest as he saw it open. And when she finally stepped out and saw him standing there, in her hall, tired and hopeless, tears welled in his eyes, a look on his face as if he were going to collapse with the sight of her, the minutes passed like hours. 

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AN: sorry it was so short.... i have the next two done alraedy... so if ya review itll come a whole lot faster :-D


	7. Life of a Soldier

Dying roses: The Life of a Soldier

Uhm.... Thanks to... yay! my list is growing!... to.... Julie and Kat first a foremost.... #1 and 2 on my list.... everyone... theyre the GREATEST writers ever ever ever and i really hope that u go read their fics (Pen names are Teris Xenite and Katerpillar) so yea! read their stuff too! and thanks to Dusty, i hope u post some of your stuff, and to ria, uhmm... yea! 

Logan held her close and sobbed openly into her hair. She had changed so much. She was skinny, too skinny, as if she hadn't eaten in ages. Her eyes that had once been bright and beautiful were sunken in, dark with pain. She was no longer pouting; her lips were no longer pulled into a mock frown. Now, it was real, her expression no longer masked the hurt she held inside. 

Realizing she was gradually relaxing in his arms she straightened up, still in his grasp. Gently she pushed him away and he looked at her, bewildered. "Max?" She almost gave up when she heard the sad tone in his voice, but didn't. 

"Logan," her voice came out slightly emotional and she quickly checked the hiding tears. "I am a born and bred soldier. I thought I could be something different, Logan." His eyes were lost and hurt but she ignored it and moved on. "A long time age I believed that if I left Manticore it would all go away, it just doesn't work that way. You can take the girl out of Manticore but you can't take it out of her. I finally see that, Logan. I am a soldier, nothing more, nothing less. And a soldier I will be. Soldiers don't love, Logan. They don't search for years for a petty cure. They don't come home crying. They don't spend nights just wishing things had been different." Her voice gradually grew more hard and steely. Inside she was dying, slowly killing herself for the lies she told him, for the hurt look that crossed his face as she pronounced each word. She hated herself but this is what had to be done. 

"But Max... I don't understand..." Max winced at how weak he sounded, this wasn't him, not the Logan she knew. 

"You couldn't." She tenderly whispered into his ear. He closed his eyes and wept as she walked passed him and down the corridor. The rat that Logan had been watching only moments ago scampered away as she approached the elevator. With one last longing look back she loaded into the elevator and the doors closed behind her. 

end note: sorry it was so short... next one is short too... but i think i have it 7/8's of the way done....


	8. Screaming Memories

Dying Roses: Screaming the Memory

Authors note: ok... two maybe three things to say to you all. One, I have no clue why i am posting this! because no one is reviewing. Two, I think this chapter sucks. I think that i shouldn't be posting it at all... but oh well. Three, thank you Kat, Ria, Julie, and Dusty!

He had known deep down that seeing her again wouldn't be easy but he hadn't expected this. He hadn't expected the tears to come as they did. He hadn't expected for him to break down so easily. He hadn't expected her coldness. 

It took him moments to decide that he had to go after her that he couldn't let her leave like that again. He ran down the stairs stumbling on the last few. He couldn't let her leave, he wouldn't.

He thought of how each day had passed slowly by without her, how each minute he felt closer and closer to dying. If she had been there Max would have rolled her eyes at him and retorted, "we're all dying, Logan. Every second, every day." He knew her, and he needed her. He didn't know if he could stand being alone anymore. Not anymore.

As he finally reached the front of the building he saw her speed away without one last look, that's when it all became clear to him. She had come home cause the virus was gone, she came home to be with him. Now he had ruined it, it was all his fault that she left. He stood there in front of the dirty building, tears running down his face, feeling more helpless than ever. 

Time slowly passed as Logan walked to his car and began driving away. She no longer loved him; there was nothing he could do.

He got home without incident and walked through his apartment. He glanced at her jacket, still neglected, lying there on his couch. He breathed deeply and kept walking. The light on his answering machine blinked at him, beckoning him, but he ignored it and walked on. Everything screamed a memory of Max. Finally he arrived at his room. Here, the memory of Max was the most hurtful. This is where she said goodbye last time. This is where he let her go. This is where their end began. 

Logan lied down onto his bed not bothering to take off his shoes, the exoskeleton, or even his glasses. Slowly he pulled the blanket over himself and began to cry harder than he had that day. 

Endnote: Next chapter is when it gets good! All you people cheering for a happy ending... You may like what you see... PLEASE review!!!


	9. A Foolish Infatuation

Dying Roses: A Foolish infatuation

A/N: Sorry it took so long! please R and R... please.... can i have 8 before i post my next chapter? at least? it would so make me feel better....

"WE can't all be the hero," Max thought bitterly as the rain pounded harder onto her already wet figure. Her tears blended easily with the raindrops mercilessly landing on her face. The road blurred beneath her and her internal war raged on.

True love was always supposed to work out, she told herself. What she had with Logan wasn't love, only a foolish infatuation. Even as she said the words aloud she knew it was just a lie. This was Logan she was talking about; of course she loved Logan. It was slowly getting harder and harder to lie about it. 

The rain let up and Max searched the sky for a rainbow, some sort of clue that she needed to turn around and go back to Logan. The sky remained gray and gloomy and she focused on the yellow dashed line on the road. Her hair was damp, matted to her face and her clothes were soaked making her skin crawl. 

There was a voice in the back of her head screaming at her, demanding for her to return to him. Muffling it she pushed down on the gas harder, trying to go faster than she already was. The road was deserted and she hadn't seen another car since she left Seattle. As she heard one approach it startled her that anyone would be driving after such a hard downpour. A silver Aztec approached and Max's heart stopped. Unable to control her bike she pulled over and watched as it passed. The tears inundated her eyes, as she knew she had to go back. 

Making a U-turn with her bike she headed back to Seattle. It felt as little by little a huge weight was being lifted off of her as she got closer and closer to home. The tears seemed as if they stopped permanently and a small smile began to form on her face. 

Max silently hoped that he would take her back as her heart fluttered in anticipation. She was hurt by his relationship with Asha but that didn't stop her from loving Logan. And Max finally understood that no matter how hard she tried she would always love him, no matter what he did. She knew she would hate herself later for not taking the chance, for not giving him a chance. 

Emotion clouded her mind and she quickly zoomed by a red light. Senses dulled from suck an extreme lack of sleep and preoccupied by thoughts of what she would say to him, she misjudged her time. Thinking she would pass the intersection before the other car did she took no notice of it approaching at full speed. Then the realization that she was wrong hit her, it hit her hard. So hard that she went flying into the air landing with an ungraceful thump. Time seemed to stop as the blue car pulled over and a petite blonde cautiously stepped out. 

Max breathed heavily trying to stand. Pain washed through her in waves and she quickly fell. The blonde's eyes grew wide as she recognized the unconscious form. 

Asha gasped. Max was back. 

***********

sorry it wasn't the happy ending we all know we want... but talk about a cliff hanger huh? please dont forget to review...


	10. Author's Notice

Well...

Sorry for not updating... I'm not really blocked... and It's not that i don't have time... its just that... i dunno.. I don't really have the drive.... BUT... i decided today.. that if i get two more reviews... then ill start writin' the next chapter.. is that ok?

And i really want to thank... Kat, Julie, Ria, Mel, and Dusty.... uhm... yea... you're all the coolest so uhm... keep bein' cool? oh well...

and to all my really really great reviewers... PLEASE keep them coming and thank you ever so much for readin' my fic! you don't know how much it means to me. 

and to Natters, Becky, Black Angel, once again Dusty and Mel (pheobsfan) for reviewing! you've all seemed to stick with me thus far... please don't give up on me yet!

and so! this is where I say my guh byes. So, I'm hoping that y'all are reading this still... and PLEASE review...

Sydney


	11. Dying Roses

True to my word.... the moment I got all of your wonderful reviews i began to write this chapter. I really liked the first two chapters of this story... and then from there they just seemed to be really really REALLY bad... h ehe... well i really liked this one.. and i hope you all do too! please read and review and have a GREAT day!

sydney

Dying Roses : Dying Roses

Logan's hand brushed some pre-pulse video cases, their plastic cover slightly yellowing but still not concealing the bright colors of a mermaids on a rock, three fairies with pointy hats, a weeping willow whispering to listen with your heart, a young fox with a hunting dog, and young princesses in flowing beautiful dresses living their happily ever afters. 

Max was supposed to be his princess, his damsel in distress, his *one*. She just fit so perfectly. The way her eyes sparkled when she smiled and enhanced every one of her beautiful features, The soft heart that he knew was hidden behind her rough exterior. The intelligence her every thought was laced with. The magnificence that came from the inside and shined out. There was just one thing that didn't fit. She didn't love him. Every princess was supposed to love her prince, need her prince. But that still didn't drown how perfect she was, how he could never imagine her as less than his princess. He could only wish his Beauty could fall in love with the beast he was.

He had never imagined that anyone could fall in love with this beast, this crippled monster that he was. But no matter what she said to him he knew, she *had* loved him. She proved that by searching for the cure as long as she did, she proved it by the tone of her voice, by leaving. Max left, Logan had to come to terms with that. 

They were a fairy tale come true in a decaying world. 

It had been hours since he had seen Max, but the hurt, that was everywhere, hadn't even begun to feel better. His heart was slowly shattering, he thought it had already but it was only just the beginning. Like a rose, it died slowly. First wilting under the pain. Wilting because of the pain in her eyes, the hardness of her voice, the emptiness of his apartment. And then, gradually, the petals dropped. The rose grew too weak to hold the weight of the petals. The weight of every second he wasn't with her, every time he opened his eyes and she wasn't there, every breath wasted on not saying "I love you." 

His rose-heart, his twinkling, shining, beating, red rose heart was dying, losing it's magic. It was breaking. 


	12. Threads of Love

AN: sorry its so short all. But updates will be coming slowly and so i'm just hoping you'll all stick with me. I wouldn't be surprised though... if and update came up in a couple weeks... if I'm lucky one....

anways.... here it is

Dying Roses: Threads of Love

The house was a quiet. A quiet it had never been. The clock's ticking faded in the distance and Logan's breathing was gently muted by the walls. Rain didn't pound against the large windows but gently settled on the glass blurring the outside world. Lights distorted and dripped down to rest along the bottom pane. 

"This is how life without hope of Max is like," Logan thought sullenly. His heart had never hurt so much, His eyes never seemed to dry out and his voice was hoarse from screaming. He didn't know what he had been screaming at, who, but it hurt so much inside he didn't know what else to do. 

He heard the soft "ding" of the elevator and stood up. Walking slowly to his room he closed his door and locked it with a low click. The knocking began quietly at his door and he sat on his bed and listened while it got louder. He figured it would be Bling, that it would be Asha, that it would be Cindy. TI wasn't Max. Max would never come back. Max didn't love him. She didn't need him. But oh god, he needed her.

He'd been without her before, but now, now was worse. The tone of her voice, the cold in her eyes. Before he had clung desperately to the last threads of their relationship, their love. But the second she opened that door, the second she said those words, the second she walked away, she cut them and threw them in his face. 

He would never find anyone more perfect than Max.

The knocking was frantic. Max would have picked the lock and come in already. 

He jumped as he heard the loud bang from outside his room. Whoever had been knocking decided to kick the door in. Taking a deep breath he prepared to go out and face whoever it was. But no matter how many times he breathed or how much he braced himself nothing cold brace him for the sight he saw when he opened the door.

Max lay on the floor, bloody and unconscious. Asha stood over her, out of breath and panicky. 

AN: Dont you hate cliff hangers? but... Like i said... It might be awhile will I post again... It's really quite unpredictable... but maybe if your review... it'll i dunno... inspire me?


	13. Bedside Vigil

Sorry For the HORRIBLE delay on my chapters... It's going slow, i know... But i just don't know how i want to end this. any suggestions? Yea... I'm also going to try updating more often. And I'm just hoping you all haven't lost total faith in me and forgotten my story.... thanks for reading and please review

Dying Roses: Pure Love 

  
I don't know much about love, my whole life spent behind cold bars and stark white hallways. I had few glimpses of the real world until now. Now I know what love is. I love Max, no, not your typical love. I see her and want to protect her. But, it only comes out as obnoxious remarks and insensitive teases. I love her like a brother would, like Ben would have.   
  
They thought I didn't see the looks they gave each other, the small, almost undistinguishable sighs they released every time they were apart. I noticed, I saw the love in their eyes.   
  
The world is an unfair place to be, one of the worst. Living, breathing, loving, benefits and disadvantages, all at once. I've always known Alive isn't the best state to be in, and I've accepted it. Things are unfair; it's just the way it is. But for once I wish it weren't so. Some things need to work out; some loves need to never be extinguished.   
  
The monotonous beep fills the hospital room and I look at all of us holding vigil at Max's bedside. Original Cindy, Sketchy, Bling, Herbal, Me, Logan, most of all Logan. He stands there holding her hand and crying. I wonder why he doesn't excuse himself to cry alone. But I suppose that's what love is, letting go of insecurities and not caring about everyone else. It's about Logan letting down his defenses and letting everyone see him cry just to be with Max. She's been gone for so long, I've almost forgotten what it was like to be with them together.   
  
The pure love that once filled the room as their eyes met has been dampened with years of loneliness, thousands of heartbreaks, hurt looks, heavy hearts, and unspoken love. I feel myself losing hope just thinking about it. I'm not an unfeeling monster, but it's so much easier to pretend not to care.   
  
If one thing in the world needed to work out, it's this. It's seeing him cry over her. It's listening to her heart beat, probably in sync with his. It's having them together. 

End note: so the Plan was... I was just going to skip straight To max's funeral. And have like a paragraph from everyone... Logan, alec, joshua, normal, OC.... But I look at the idea now... but it gives the whole m/l thing i had in the beginning... no real closure... ya know? so... if anyone wants to tell me what they want me to have happen.. then GREAT!


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